If I knew

If I knew  that love was going to happen to me, would I be different? If my Future ManFriend and I had a fixed appointment to meet made by my destiny and his destiny, would my attitude be different?

Maybe, I wouldn’t be so nervous when I meet a new man and my tongue twists itself into silence by all the internal questions. Is he someone? Is this look a look? Are their hidden messages in his messages?Does he like me? Would he ever? Do I like him? Oh, just kiss me. I’m tired of thinking.

If I knew, without a doubt, that he was coming and I knew the date and the time, but I didn’t know who he was exactly, would I be different?

I don’t think I would; not drastically anyway.

It is like the time I told a friend:

‘I’m going to miss you.’

‘Don’t worry, I’ll be back in a year.’

And I replied.

‘I know. But I’m still going to miss you for that entire year.’

It’s kind of the same concept.

Even if I knew he was coming on the 20 June, 2012, I would still be the same person. I would still meet other men and maybe I wouldn’t be as hurt when it eventually did not work out (Because I would know that it was NOT supposed to work out), but I’d be still be hurt. My heart would still blush when foreign hands lingered on my spine for a few attention grabbing seconds. I would still find quirky funny. And I would still be attracted to all the unavailable men this side of the Acropolis.

If I knew the date, I would still go through grumpy days. Could he like be here already?

If I knew the date, I would still have days where I wouldn’t really want him here just yet. He can take his time. I still haven’t started watching The Vampire Diaries and I know that I’m definitely going to need a lot of me and Cookie Dough time for that.

If I knew, I would still get lonely because I’m lonely now. But I guess, if I knew that I wouldn’t be lonely for ever, the present loneliness would begin to feel like a guilty pleasure.

If I knew he was on his way, I would still whine ‘Where is he?’ to anyone who will listen because–let’s face it–I’m impatient like that.

So if I knew the day he was coming, I’d live my life exactly the way I live it now. Except, maybe, I’d flirt more. Maybe, I’d sprawl across my entire double bed instead of curling into the one end. Maybe, I’d sigh less. And maybe I’d be more patient with men. Maybe, I’d be more patient.

Maybe.

If you knew the exact day you would meet the man of your future, would you be any different?