Often conversation among my friends will turn to my perpetual single status. My girl friends do not understand the reason that men are not slamming doors, crossing intersections and vaulting over electrical fences to get to me. (My friends are awesome.) Acquaintances and male friends, on the other hand, are quick to fill me in on all the potential reasons I am still unattached. Some have been on the mark, and others have been absurd. I’ve collected them all (and included some of my own reasons) in this list.
I don’t have a boyfriend because…
…I don’t go out consistently enough.
…I don’t work in an office.
…my friends’ friends are apparently ‘not good enough’, ‘not old enough’, ‘not liberal enough’ for me.
…I live in Greece. (Apparently, I do not possess qualities that Greek men find attractive.)
…I don’t drink alcohol.
…I don’t do one night stands.
…I’m too aggressive. (Rawr.)
…I’m too shy.(Miao.)
…I have high expectations.
…men are hunters. And I don’t let them be. (I know, I know. It is scandalous that I like you too, dude. How dare I?)
…I don’t flaunt my cleavage.
…I’m not ‘fun’ and ‘laidback’ (That is an outrageous lie. My definition of fun is getting laid on my back. Boom!)
…I don’t present myself as a potential girlfriend. Instead, I present myself as a friend.
…I’m desperate. (Your face is desperate.)
…I’m unlovable.
…I’m unlucky.
Why don’t you have a boyfriend?
{ 27 comments… read them below or add one }
According to random people:
My standards are too high
I expect too much
I want the fairy tale
I’m inflexible by only wanting a black man
I am overweight, therefore I clearly don’t care about looking attractive to anyone
I have too many rules, like the guy has to respect me and stuff
I don’t put out (this is actually the #1 reason, I am told. Men don’t want to work that hard)
There may not be room on this blog for all the reasons people give me.
I don’t have a job right now.
I’m too shy.
I’m not settling.
I only want to date a Christian man.
I have high standards.
It’s because I also don’t flaunt my cleavage.
I date “fixer-uppers”
I don’t wear makeup on a regular basis
I don’t let men chase me
I have low self worth
I’m not at my ideal weight
I don’t wear makeup daily
I’m cynical
I live in “fantasyland” because I am a romantic (whatever!)
I don’t go out
I’m not settling
I live in a city that prefers hookups rather than relationships
I’m shy
I’m too shy
I make men nervous
I come across as disinterested
I’m too pretty
I’m too much hard work
I’m posessive
I’m just me
Reasons why Hope should not be single….
… she’s awesome (slightly subjective, OK).
…she’s oh so witty.
…she’s an incredible listener.
…she’s so wise she should be an owl.
…she’s fun… whether you’re sober or drunk.
…she’s kindly but firmly honest.
…she doesn’t judge.
…she has pretty hair.
…she is quirky from her humour to her shoes.
…she is so dynamic despite being quiet.
…she has a pure gaze.
…she doesn’t play games.
…she is cultured.
…she has a beautiful smile.
Isn’t it interesting that all the women here posted about having too high standards in one way or another? Listen to a song called ‘Perfect’ by Fairground Attraction. There’s nothing wrong with wanting an equal instead of a neanderthal.
Stay strong, ladies; you’re worth it.
(Damn it, that just makes me think of L’Oreal.)
My favorite is when people do the double take and ask you again ‘really?! you don’t have a boyfriend??’ and then there’s that really awkward pause where they just stare at you, quickly look you up and down again- trying hard to figure out what’s wrong with you cause clearly, they missed that one thing that all the men seem to see instantly that repels them away from you. awesome feeling, yup.
Oh, I know this look well. It’s awesome.
I’m not ready.
And when I think otherwise, I scare myself out of it and I run.
I know exactly how you feel!
I keep my feelings locked up.
I am a little too crazy.
I am so scared to get hurt, that I choose to scare ‘em all away!
…I do the “one night stand” thing and the relationship never moves past that point
…I don’t have big enough boobs (according to my curvy friend)
…I’m too picky
…I’m too superficial
…I get bored too easily
but most of all… I simply don’t want a boyfriend right now
even though i currently have a boyfriend, he’s my first one and i’m at the ripe old age of almost 30. so my reasons (from what i’ve been told) before were:
i’m too picky
i’m too intimidating
most of the guys here are wimps
i seem too good to be true
i come across as aloof and untouchable
the guys think perhaps i’m lesbian
most of the guys i like don’t like me back
i can’t be bothered to settle if i don’t think it’s right
Ooooooooooooh, can I play too? Although mine will be the reasons I don’t have a GIRLfriend… and I’m using your template since I liked it so much (hey, stealing is a form of flattery, right?)
I don’t go out consistently enough.
I live in Greece. (Apparently, there’s only 1 girl in 10 in Greece that possesses the qualities I’m looking for. And that 1 girl in 10 that I fell for recently? She’s married.)
I don’t do one night stands.
I’m too passive.
I’m too shy.
Women are supposed to be hunted. But I’m not good in that. I’m not expecting a girl to make the first move but at least give me the courtesy of showing some signs to me, please? Big signs preferably, with large, shiny, flashing letters in caps that spell I’D LIKE TO KNOW YOU BETTER or something similar. Thanks.
I don’t present myself as a potential boyfriend. Instead, I present myself as a friend.
I won’t compromise the qualities I’m looking for in a potential gf JUST to be in a relationship.
I’m unlucky. And Fate hates my guts. Thanks Fate, guess what? I love you too. BITCH.
And one that has been said to me: I read too many books. Or rather I read books, period. (Seriously people?! WTF?)
my husband would get really pissed…
Yes, husbands are unreasonable that way. ;)
Whoever put “unlovable” on that list should be smacked, especially if it was you. I don’t even know you, and I have a feeling we could be friends.
As for me, I am boyfriendless because “men are hunters” – or so my brother tells me. I’m like you – direct about how I feel, one way or another.
oh you’re totally boyfriend material. you just haven’t found the right guy yet. I used to think that i was boyfriendless because i wasn’t cute enough or skinny enough or outgoing enough. Ultimately, I think it was a combination of simply not meeting the right man yet and not letting my heart be open to new opportunities. And then one guy came along and he just happened to be right for me. hang in there, hope.
I am single because:
I am too shy.
I am intimidating due to being attractive (or so I been told).
I don’t drink alcohol.
I am not interested in most things 21 year olds are.
I am superficial.
My look is too over the top for the city I live in.
I am picky.
There are probably more reasons on the whys of my single-hood but I am going to stop before I turn this comment into an essay.
Great post. (=^_^=)
All of the above.
And then some.
i guess i wouldn’t know, but i seriously doubt you are unlovable :) your blog makes me love you haha
but as for the rest of these, you’ve pretty much got my list down haha and I’m in Provo of all places!
i’m incredibly jealous that you live in Greece though :)
that might be worth it to me to be single for awhile haha
xoxo
sara
What does presenting yourself as boyfriend/girlfriend material mean anyway?
Good question! For me it means to stop giving my crushes advice on how to get the girl next to me thereby presenting myself as the girl-friend rather than potential girlfriend.
(i’m from greece too, by the way)
first of all, i totally agree with everything you mentioned, and most of the reasons why you don’t have a boyfriend make sense to me.
i’m currently in high school, and, yes, you guessed it, i don’t have a boyfriend.
i would really like to have a romantic relationship, but not the like the ones my peers do. these relationships are a bit immature.
but i think that men just have way too high standards, and they usually get a girlfriend in order to be approved.. (men will never change:P)
maybe i should wait a little bit…
Here’s my list =( I’m 22 and have never had a bf, and never have been approached by any guy.
Reasons why I don’t have a bf
-I’m not good enough
-I’m not smart enough
-I’m not talented enough
-I don’t wear make-up
-I don’t say funny things
-I don’t talk much
-I can’t come up with interesting things to say
-I don’t wear low-tops or sleeve-less shirts
-I don’t really have breasts..I’m like an A.-_-
-I don’t act girly, I’m not very feminine, but I’m not masculine though
-I don’t want to marry~no, more like I don’t want any of the physical side of marriage. I’m totally fine with marrying without ever having the physical aspect.
-I don’t want kids
-I don’t like kids?
-I like to spend time and money on myself
-I don’t enjoy hanging out with people
-I don’t enjoy going to places with friends, so much pressure on what to say and how to act
-I only ever have crushes on people who are either too good for me, or are out of my league (way out.)
-I’m not very cuddly
-I’m don’t have that girlfriend ‘air’ (aka, I lack girlfriend material)
-I have been hardwired to think that it is embarassing, ’cause I’ve always hid my emotions (I don’t show affection)
-I’m childish
-I’m not white, or skinny (I’m just a healthy average)
-I’m not special
-I’m kinda invisible
-I’m not very memorable
-I’m not clingy enough
I’m not ready.
I get too nervous.
I think too much about the future.
I don’t want one right now.
I want to live my life without being tied down right now.