On flirting

I’m not a natural flirt.

I have spent quite a few years actively observing the friends that are and have spent a few more years trying to imitate their behaviour. I’ve yet to master it.

Natural flirts are like ballerinas. They’re graceful. I watch them dance and think  How hard can it be to balance your body on your toes and twirl?  Then when I attempt to do it, on the balls of my feet, I lose my center of gravity and fall into an accidental squat with my butt parallel to the ground and my arms outstretched like a toddler while both hands try to hang onto whatever wall, or person, or plant is closest.

I’m a clumsy flirt.

When I’m careful, I drop meaningful glances in the direction of the object of my lust. If it is a loud night and he is close, I’ll lean in and talk into his ear. My fingers will be close to my mouth. I’ll pretend that I can’t hear so that he is forced to come close to me too. Sometimes, I’ll twirl a strand of hair. I’m subtle. It’s a defense and it works. Because if said man does not reciprocate with an inflated chest and his hand softly on my back move, I don’t lose any face. Problem is, with this discreet flirting, if the dude blinks he might miss it.

When I am a little confident (because of a great hair day or vodka), I flirt with my tongue.  My body freezes and my words are ballsy and provocative. They are not subtle at all. ‘You’re not leaving until you kiss me.’ was my most recent gem. It is only when horror crept into the eyes of the recipient that I realized I had tripped over the line and fallen face first into FlirtFail territory.

I sway from flirting that cannot be detected by the human eye to flirting that can be seen from space.

I’m clearly not a natural.

Are you?

15 Responses to On flirting

  1. Pingback: Tweets that mention On flirting | Hope Dies Last -- Topsy.com

  2. I’m allegedly really stand-offish when it comes to flirting but it seems to have worked. I WISH I could be a natural flirt…but it would probably get me in trouble.

  3. It’s even worse if you’re not a natural flirt and you’re a guy… trust me.

  4. I used to be horribly awkward at it. Nerd-character in the background of teen-movie hitting on the male lead with laughable effects awkward.

    But, as with anything, devote enough time and study to it, take some risks, willingly know you’re possibly going to get tarred and feathered… you get better.

    And now, I’m wonderful at it. Very much worth the previous embarrassments.

  5. When I flirt, I become someone I’m not. So no, I don’t think I’m a good flirt. If you find out the secret, let me know!

  6. I’m so not a natural flirt either. But somehow I get better when I’m drinking–Dutch courage and all that.

  7. I learned to flirt at a very young age, my watching my mom, who is a pro. I learned quickly, though that there’s a fine line between flirting and slutting it up, so I’m careful to avoid the latter. I find flirting to be depressing sometimes though, so I try to rely more on my sense of humor than my expert batting of eyelashes, ect.

  8. Flirting should be a required course in school. However, I try the more subtle moves like you mentioned, the leaning in to whisper in his ear move. I would try to look “sexy” but I feel that my “sexy face” look is more like a weird squint, so I stick to humor full of sexual innuendo. Not my best course of action, but can’t win them all.

  9. i’m naturally slightly cheeky and that comes out when i’m in full sparkle mode. unfortunately for the most part, i either can’t be bothered and seem standoffish or i’m nervous and seem shy. i can’t win really. so no, i don’t think i’m a natural flirt.

  10. I once was a great flirt. After a five year relationship and a mess of a breakup, all my confidence in the boy department seems to have gone with that.

    Sigh.

  11. blithering-iris

    i used to think that i’m a natural. not until i met another who was as good as gold, so good that it left me with an air of confusions. thus, no more flirting from me at least.

  12. After being in a relationship, I don’t know how to flirt anymore.

    Everything takes practice so keep on truckin’.

  13. Strangely, yes. Or so my friends/family tell me. I flirt easily and always. It’s when someone reciprocates and things get intense that I fall all over myself.

  14. Great post! Very quotable :-)…

  15. I wish I had the skills. It’s such a fascinating art.

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