Comments on: Need

By: HappyTipsyGypsy

HappyTipsyGypsy — Mon, 22 Feb 2010 03:42:29 +0000

Hi Hope!

This is something that I’ve been thinking about too lately. But more on the lines of “I’ve thought and thought and thought some more about what I want… what about what can I offer?”

The past 6 months or so, I’ve observed friends, acquaintances, heck even myself and I notice that while we are so fierce about him accepting us the way we are, we don’t want to do the same. Because sometimes he not understanding me is a part of who he is, right?

I may be wrong here, God knows I often am, but do you think that while we raise the bar for ‘him’ to please us, we don’t practice what we preach? Like Diane said, sometimes you give, sometimes you get and the two DON’T have to be perfect or in balance. The more I see of relationships, the more I realize that balance or lack of it, is often a bit overrated. Thoughts?

By: Diane

Diane — Sat, 20 Feb 2010 07:44:34 +0000

Very interesting post. I’m married, have been married for 20 years and dated my husband for 3 years before we got married. What’s really difficult is to find a person who has the same wants and needs as you do or at least ones that will mesh with your own. I’ve found that what happens in my own marriage is that sometimes I give more than I get and sometimes I get more than I give. But it pretty much evens out over time. Sometimes he’s more needy than me and I’m happy to give whatever he needs and sometimes I’m the needy one. The hard times come when we are both needy. But we somehow have always worked through those and moved on to happier times. It must be the memories of the happy times that we have had and know are just around the corner if we can hang on through the tough times. The happy times always return and are worth twice what the difficult ones are, at least for me they are.

By: Miss Devylish

Miss Devylish — Sat, 20 Feb 2010 02:21:14 +0000

There are things I certainly need met – my words to describe it would be – a partner, someone who’s emotionally available, supportive, encouraging, realistic, silly and goofy similarly to me, who makes me laugh when I don’t want to and who I can do the same thing for.. your shoulder on bad days, your cheers on your good ones and I’d be his, someone more positive than me cuz I can live in the negative if I allow myself and I need a good strong force in someone I love, my favorite person at the end of the day.. the one who loves me, no matter the stupid things I do or say because he recognizes I’m human and have a lot of mistakes to make still and a lot of learning to do from them.

I don’t know how to categorize those things.. but that’s it.. in a nutshell. Oh.. and not allergic to cats. ;)

By: Curvy Jones

Curvy Jones — Thu, 18 Feb 2010 23:24:28 +0000

This post has had me contemplating things for DAYS. Well. The days since you posted it, I’ve been contemplating it.

I still have no idea but wow. Incredibly thought provoking. And since my blog pinged back, I thought I should actually comment!

By: The semi-daily ramblings of Curvy Jones

The semi-daily ramblings of Curvy Jones — Thu, 18 Feb 2010 13:14:05 +0000

[...] recently read this incredible post at Hope Dies Last about needs and compromise. I confess Ive always been the person who stoically claims there are [...]

By: StaceyParadise

StaceyParadise — Wed, 17 Feb 2010 18:41:09 +0000

I think it’s a sad state of affairs when women go into marriage thinking this is going to be the one-size-fits-all solution. Because seriously? Marriage is hard work. It’s about compromise. You have to work at it every day. And there will be days when you feel like it’s a mistake. There will be days when you feel like it’s the best decision you ever made. The women who are able to deal with that wavering difference of opinion are the ones who are happier. The ones who expect it to fix all their problems are the ones who end up miserable. I say this without judgment, and as someone who is newly married (but has been in a long-term, live-together relationship for years). So yeah, that’s just my two cents.

By: dellie

dellie — Wed, 17 Feb 2010 09:38:44 +0000

oh i could read your posts over and over!!

this is such an interesting thought and one that i spent a lot of time mulling over with when i was single. one day i put together a list of things that i wanted from a relationship. my top 3 were
- emotionally aware: somebody who is conscious of their feelings and is willing to act upon them
- respect: someone who would treat me exactly how they would want their sister to be treated. with 100% respect at all times
- humour and silliness: someone that can be themselves and love me for being myself.
when i met someone 6 months ago and went back to the list about 12 months later, he ticked all the boxes. he’s not perfect, neither am i but as marilyn monroe said
“I’m selfish, impatient and a little insecure, I make mistakes, I am out of control, and at times hard to handle, but if you can’t handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don’t deserve me at my best.”

By: TSG

TSG — Wed, 17 Feb 2010 00:20:18 +0000

One more thing. Once I do get married, I am not willing to settle down.
I want to stay young and live young for life. That means I refused to stop going out, or having a social life to stay home, cook, clean and pop kids then take care of them.
I want to have my signoficant other be my best friend and he needs to understand that and where I come from. Therefore, I want him to understand that I’m not willing to give up on my dreams and compromise on life as I want it. :)

By: Paula

Paula — Tue, 16 Feb 2010 23:45:54 +0000

With me, the main things are intelligence and sense of humour. Especially a guy who “gets” MY sense of humour. Looks help, but I have fallen for guys not classically attractive who I have MYSELF found GROWING More attractive, so that’s not necessarily a big issue for me.

By: Ashalah

Ashalah — Tue, 16 Feb 2010 22:40:02 +0000

Sometimes we’re the same person. And sometimes, I think I need to see your therapist :)

I am starting to realize that my extraordinarily high expectations might be a little RIDICULOUS and that I need to reevaluate my needs and wants and see if they’re realistic or just plain stupid. Those are excellent needs that you have listed and I’m sure a few of them will wind up on my list–like Equality, Acceptance and Eye Candy. Other musts on my list would be Open Mindedness and Cares About People.