Restlessness
2 Feb
Dear Future Man Friend,
I’ve been feeling restless lately. I’ve been lying in bed for far longer than is healthy. I am frustrated. I want to hang on the hands of a gigantic clock and I want to pump my legs–with all the strength I have–and swing. I want to swing and swing–round and round–until I have moved time to the exact, second before we are supposed to meet.
I have a lot of questions about that second. How will we meet? Will it be through friends? And if it is through friends which ones? Will we meet randomly? And if so where? Will we meet at a party? At the supermarket? At the Bar? How will I know its you, Man friend? Will you talk to me all night? Or will I watch you from afar simply knowing? Will there be an instant understanding between us?
I don’t know have any of those answers. But I do know how the after will unfold because even though I haven’t met, I feel like I know you. You’ll be absolutely ready for the type of relationship that I am ready for. I imagine that when we meet you will be tired of the dating ‘game’. I have a feeling that you’ll be playful, please be playful, but you will make it clear–in no uncertain terms–that I’m it for you. I’m definitely going to do the same because a) I love teasing and b) I’m not one to pussyfoot around feelings.You will call me and you will send me unexpected text messages in the middle of the day. You will reply to my emails and before we know it, before we have even had a first date, it will have been established that these crazy kids? They get each other.
I have a feeling that this is the way it will unfold. And I feel restless because I want to email you right now. I want to email you and tell you about how much trouble I am having with the poetry section of my writing course. I want you to reply that you’ve never had that problem because you’re awesome. (You really are!) Then you would send me the world’s most terrible rhyming poem to make me smile.
Roses Are Red
Violets Are Blue
Hope is being silly
Should I be her muse?
Future Man Friend, I’m hanging on to that clock and I’m pumping my legs and I’m swinging. I’m swinging around in circles hoping to fast forward time until the exact second before we meet. Because I’m restless and I miss you and I’m scared. I’m scared that I’m not going to the right places to meet you. I’m scared that I don’t yet know the person who is supposed to introduce me to you. I’m scared that I won’t recognize its you even when we do meet. I’m scared that you won’t recognize its me when I’m standing right there in front of you.
I don’t know who you are and I don’t know where you’re coming from but I want you to know that I’m the girl with the wide brown eyes, the hopeful mind and the open heart; tapping her foot impatiently.
That’s how you’ll recognize me.
How will I recognize you?
Butterfly kisses from across time and space,
Hope
(More letters to Future Mr Hope here.)
Lovely. You took all the thoughts of my head :) I’m so restless too.
Excellent. I can feel this, it resonates somewhere in my chest, a mixture between my lungs and heart. The yearning, yet sweetness of this post – it really got me. Well done.
Love it! Using your legs as clock hands? Brilliant.
I’m so excited for you! I can feel him too. I was thinking about him this morning, about meeting him and how we would all hang out together. I can really visualise it. It’s on the horizon, I’m sure.
I love you so much!
I remember that feeling of wondering if I was going to the right places to meet him… and wondering if I would recognize him. Especially because I had several times thought others were the one and they were not. Then I met him and I recognized him. And he recognized me. Then I doubted. Then he doubted. Then doubts stopped. Everybody has a story, to live and to tell. Of course it’s different from what I could have envisioned. But in a way… it’s not.