When I was a kid I assumed that love was easy.
I thought that when I reached a certain age–like twenty–I would meet a boy, fall in love and live happily ever after. Then my father was killed and overnight I learned that love wasn’t straightforward at all. I learned that love lasts and even transcends life but love also hurts when the object of love is no longer there. For several years, my assumed life story altered slightly to include this fatalistic addition. Meet a boy, fall in love, live happily, he dies, I still love.
When I was in my early twenties I assumed that love would eventually come.
I thought that when I reached a certain age–twenty-five–I would meet a man, fall in love and (timing willing) have a long-term relationship. Then my boyfriend dumped me and I learned that I knew nothing about love. Love was a word to use in a moment. It was so meaningful that it became meaningless. Two years ago, my re-assessed life story was that I was not likely to meet my great love. (This was a relief because there was no chance of him dying on me.)
Now in my late twenties, l have no assumptions about love. I’ve made an ass of myself so many times that I’ve lost count. I have no knowledge on love. I’m plain clueless.
All I know is that as a kid I thought it would be easy. I never expected that the road to love–or to like even–would be this complicated. I didn’t expect that there would be this many false starts. I didn’t expect that intentions could be shrouded in so much mystery that the process of finding love, once as exciting to me as the art of creation, would become a mathematical equation of mythical proportions. One that is frustrating and exhausting. The sheer number of variables in the theory of love are limitless.
And I’m no scientist.
I’m only a woman wishing that it could be a little simpler.
For everyone.
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I thought it would be easy too. I actually thought I’d be settled down by the time I’d reach 30…
Actually, when we’re young, love is easy, you meet someone, you hang out, and all of a sudden you’re dating.
I’ve found that it just gets harder and harder the older you get (I have at least 10 years on you), and I still have absolutely no clue…and have been a fool more times then I can say…
Having lost my dad as well, (as you already know) I have the same feelings. I love B, but part of me is always thinking “soak it up as much as you can, because eventually he will die too, and you will be alone.”
I hate that – that I let something that happened in the past cloud my forecast for the future. Gah.
When I was young I always thought I would be married at 22 because that was the age my mom got married. That turned out to be a bit of a shock. By 28 she had a kid and owned a home. Me? I’m still renting, much less anything else.
Hope dies last.
I know you’re tired.
I know that, according to Sex and the City, we have until our late thirties to fall in love.
I know that you’re 28.
I know that this means fuck all because, as mentioned, I know that you’re tired.
I also know that the only time we know we haven’t found love is on our death bed.
It will happen. Trust The Universe
I thought it would be easy too. It’s been nothing but heartache.
Like ‘myself’, I think I’ve got about 10 yrs on you sugar. The love of my life and I broke up in April and my world fell apart. I learned a long time before him tho that love isn’t enough. I learned that they can still love you, be IN love w/ you and not be ready.. no matter how much they want it to be enough too.
I lost my dad and a boyfriend broke up w/ me w/in 2 mths of each other 10 yrs ago – this year, it happened all over again w/ my stepdad and this boyfriend. Watching my mom this time was harder. My stepdad was the love of her life. Seeing her dedication, every day at his bedside in the hospital – awful and truly inspiring at the same time.
I still have to have hope. I’m w/ Alexia and I’m trusting the Universe.. I mean, I thought I was going to marry my brother when I was little. Thank god that’s not true! ;) xo
Like what all have said…. I also thought and assumed that love would be easy. But you see that’s the thing with assumptions, it is the mother of all screw-ups.
Don’t lose faith, Hope, the Universe sometimes work in mysterious ways. I, for one, is still hoping for that one great love.
Take care always. xoxo
I wish this whole process of love and finding love were a lot easier. I look back on how my last real true relationship started and it was so….easy. Now it’s so friggin complicated I don’t even want to bother anymore. And I’m only 27!
In the end, you just have to keep up the hope that someday everything will fall into place and it won’t be so hard.
“The sheer number of variables in the theory of love are limitless.”
This is so true. It will all fall into place when the time is right…it always does.
I have felt the same way about love ever since my mom died. I was 20 years old and in a relationship that I thought was filled with LOVE. But when she died everything I had ever held onto seemed unrealistic and fragile…that holding onto it too deeply would just cause it to slip through my fingers without me knowing it. That boyfriend ended up cheating on my a few months later in an effort to get out of our relationship and away from me. Love seemed so out of my grasp after that.
Since then I think I’ve regained some sense of self, and and a little sense of love, but its evident that I am forever changed by the loss. Having lost the greatest love of all makes anything else worth loving not seem so important. I slough off the endings of relationships more easily and feel less effected by everything. Nothing will ever be as important as the whole that now remains.
Your reflections are very good, by the way. I enjoy writing myself and appreciate that eloquence with which you write…it’s beautiful! Happy New Year and I wish you many blessings :-)
I think all girls dream that way – I know I did. I thought twenty, like you, and then twenty-five. Like you, now I just don’t know.
I love someone, so much, but the variables are impossible – and I’m no scientist, either.
Yes. I’m also in my late 20s, well actually 30 this June, and nothing is as I thought it would be. I’m still trying to decide if that’s a disappointment for me. Mostly, I want to tell myself that it’s about accepting the unknown nature of life. You’ve had that forced on you in heartbreaking ways it sounds like.
I hope that now that you see the pattern, you can break free of it. Some guys do stick around, they don’t “die” on you. You’ll find him. Or he will find you.
I wish, too, that we all had better guidance along the way. No one tells you when you’re 15, 22, or now 29 that it’s a PROCESS.