On Saturday, I found myself justifying my non-promiscuity.
The glazed but surprised eyes looked back at me as if I had just declared that I have gills and swim around in circles all day.
‘What do you mean you have never had a one night stand!?’
‘I mean I’ve never had a one night stand. Which part of that sentence didn’t you understand?’
‘But why? Do you think its slutty for people to follow their natural instincts?’
‘I don’t really care what other people do. But its not something I can do. I wish I could; it sounds like fun. But I can’t.’
I imagine that in his world, I am an alien–an alien with gills. We live in the same neighbourhood of the same city of the same country. We have mutual friends. But his is a life of rich debauchery; money, hot clubs, fast cars, drugs and women spin on the axis of his world. My life is a stark contrast. A spinning vortex in slow motion. I write, I drink tea at my local bar while making puns with a close circle of friends. Oh! And everyone now and again I go on the odd date and have whirlwind affairs that end badly.
‘How do you expect to get into a relationship if you don’t open yourself to one night stands?’ he asked.
I burst out laughing.
‘You’re joking right?’
‘The only way for a relationship to begin is to meet, sleep together and then see if you like each other.’
‘You’re joking right?’
Now, it was my turn to look at him as if he was a visitor on my planet. He didn’t appear to see the twisted logic of his argument.
‘How about you meet, go out on a couple of dates to see if you like each other and then sleep together?’
‘You’re a prude. And single.’
I wasn’t offended. I enjoy hearing explanations of the possible reasons I am single; the crazier the explanation; the saner I feel.
‘Maybe.’ I offered.
‘Wanna do it in my car?’
‘No.’
***
So, internet, one night stands. Yay or nay?
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One night stands were fine when I was 18. But I’m not 18 anymore. I’m 27 and dammit, I want more. I want conversation, laughter, intellect, debate and sparks. I don’t just want to get drunk, sleep with some guy, not enjoy it very much, swap numbers in the knowledge he’ll never call and I’ll never answer and go back into my normal life.
However, men never understand this viewpoint. Whenever I’ve tried to explain it to one, they’ve said exactly the same – that I’m a prude or weird or whatever.
Meh. I’ll leave them to be manwhores, I’ll carry on with my nunlike existence!
Personally, nay. I don’t for a variety of reasons, most of which my friends who I know who do have them don’t seem to find as significant factors as I do. I don’t think I’m exclusively right nor do I think they’re exclusively wrong. Moreover, I don’t think either them or I should change our ways to the other. If where we’re at works for both of us then great, and each of us will find plenty of other people of the same mentality.
Dude sounds like a real asshole. Stick to what you know you can handle. You’re a class act, Hope.
I’ve never had a one night stand. But then, I was in a committed relationship for 5 years until recently. But then again, even still I don’t think I’m a one night stand kind of girl.
I don’t think it’s any of my business who anyone else sleeps with or how often they do it…but one night stands are not for me. I’ve done it (sort of…does it count if he’s a friend?), and I can’t help but get attached. It’s just who I am, a relationship kinda girl!
I say nay. Maybe it’s just me but it is too personal for me with just anyone. Of course it has been a long long time since I’ve even had the opportunity for such an encounter but I still don’t think I could.
nay!
Picking up some random at a bar to have a one night stand? Nay (and STI’s galore)
Having a one night stand with someone that you know, TRUST, have a wee crush on, and/or is a friend? Yay.
Nay on one-night stands (and one-date stands actually).
You are NOT single because you’re not willing to have one night stands, one night stands are NOT “natural instincts” (sex is, but not doing it like that), men are NOT all interested in one night stands (although they ARE more prone to it) and you having standards for sex is NOT you being a “prude.”
One night stands are fun if you can do them.
If you can’t, then they’re not, and you shouldn’t have to and that is COMPLETELY normal. As in average, as in, within the acceptable social standards of sexual behavior.
I can’t do one night stands but I CAN do fuck buddies (as long as he really is a friend) and I think that’s fine. I think you’re fine. I think the dude’s fine (although a fucking idiot).
And there you go.
I’ve had a one night stand with someone I’d known for a while. Iit was one of those last-minute-right-before-he-moved-and-we-never-saw-each-other-again things.
But I’m with you. I want more than that.
Mae: I love your attitude and agree 100%.
I’ve been thinking about this lately, and I gotta go with a firm “nay”. Not that I judge other people for wanting such affairs, but for me, sex isn’t enjoyable if there isn’t already a mutual attraction, which is something I can’t achieve without first getting to know someone a bit. I HAVE had sex on the first date, but that was after like ten hours of awesome hanging out (and lots of booze).
It’s different for everyone, but for me, a one night stand sounds incredibly lonely.
Nay for me. I’ve had one. It was on my list of things to try before I die, like bungee jumping and sleeping on a beach. It reflected how I felt inside at the time: empty, and hopeless.
In general, I’m against them. I find the thought of having sex with a random drunk stranger slightly disturbing.
I’ve done it twice and both times I felt awful afterwards. Though to be honest, I didn’t feel to brilliant before they happened either.
hhmm..one nighters. Personally have never had one myself but I’ve had fantasies of having one. guess my opinioin really doesn’t matter anyway since I’m a married. don’t hate me. that guys sounds like a prick. seriously, how many of his one night stands have turned into a relationship? really ass backwards.
I’ve had a few one night stands so I know with absolute CERTAINTY that they are not for me. They’re not worth it – I don’t feel that I need to be in love with someone before I’ll sleep with them, but I definitely need to at least like them a whole lot and think there’s some relationship potential there before I’ll jump into bed with them now.
I’ve never had one either. Until my vacation in Greece. He was an Aussie and much younger than me. Granted I knew him for a whole 5 days before anything happened, but when it did, it was on the night before I left for Paros.
So, I say yay on vacation and nay any other time. Because I would never and have never and could never have a one night stand in my everyday life.
I agree with Essentially Me, on the vacation thing, but I like to class them up by calling them Foreign Love Affairs…
One night stands is a nay otherwise. The attachment thing is a big factor. Another is, what kind of a guy that you have a one night stand with is going to try to develop a relationship with you? I would think a guy will have the permanent image of a girl being “slutty” instead of actually looking for a relationship.
I agree, I had a one night stand while on vacation. It was amazing and a night that lives fondly in my memory.
But here in my real life, no. Not for me. I want a guy to respect me and I don’t think that starts with sleeping with him the night we meet.
I agree with leah, although maybe the later is not defined as “one night stand” ….
I’ve never been able to do it! I sorta had one once, but it was with an old friend, so I don’t think that really counts. And I’ve slept with guys on the first date, but then again, we both knew we were going to date each other for a few months and see where things went…
thank you Hope.
I’ve had one one night stand before and, while I can’t say I’d never do it again, I can say, with 100% certainty, that one night stands are not how relationships are made.
Nay. At the end of the day the action of sleeping with someone you’re in love with, and sleeping with someone you just met is pretty much the same. So I’d rather restrict it to when I have some sort of feelings for someone, to convey the meaning I attach to physical intimacy.
been there, done that… But will think over twice before will do that again…