Twenty dates
22 Oct
After the first date, I sent an email to my four closest friends. The subject read, “Would it be too much if I said I met my soul mate?”
On the sixth date, I was certain I had. It was this feeling in my gut that translated into happiness and peace and calmness. People I hardly knew would look at me and laugh, “You’ve met someone, haven’t you?” I was radiating complete confidence, self acceptance and joy.
On the tenth date, I realized that my soul mate was not actually perfect, I began to withdraw out of fear.
On the twelfth date, I realized that my soul mate, while far from perfect, was also not looking for the same thing I was. “I just want to be left alone.” he had said. I–single for the majority of my life–understood that sentiment; I didn’t even take it personally. “OK” I countered. “I can leave you alone.” He–in committed, long term relationships for most of his life–did not know what he wanted. “No, don’t leave me alone” he had replied.
On the seventeenth date, I could feel my soul mate chickening out. He had got caught up in something far more complex than he was ready for; he couldn’t handle it.
On the eighteenth date, I was so scared that the end was near that I withdrew even more. I pushed him further away. Then, I pulled him closer. Then, I pushed him away again. He employed the exact same strategy.
On the twentieth date, we both gave up. He made a choice and I did not even attempt to fight for what I wanted. All because of fear, insecurity, bitterness and anger of issues that had nothing to do with him. I suspect he unfairly judged me and our brief affair in the same way that I did.
Two months later, I still believe that I met my soul mate. But sometimes, even when soul mates do meet, it doesn’t mean that they will–or should–be together.
He wasn’t the one. But he was a kindred spirit. He was a soul mate. And for this reason alone, I still miss him.
Fuck.
I’m so sorry Hope. I wish you well, and I’ll leave this quote behind since I can’t think of anything worthy to say here myself: “A true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you
everything that’s holding you back, the person who brings you to your own
attention so you can change your life. A true soul mate is probably the most
important person you’ll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and
smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever. Nah. Too painful.
Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself
to you, and then they leave.”
I met mine, and we couldn’t be together. I still miss him too. xx.
I’m still hopeful that I will meet someone that proves to me that I was wrong, that I did not meet my soul mate and loose him. I hope someday I will meet someone that makes me realize why it never worked out with the man I thought was my soul mate. I hope someday you do too. In the meantime, I feel your pain, I know.
I have felt that peace and confidence after meeting someone who I thought was my soul mate too. And I still feel the pain of loss as you. I hope you meet another soul mate .. we change constantly.. its possible that we are not yet the person who we are meant to be. So we haven’t met the soul mate who is to be for that person we become.. Maybe lame..but it gets me by :)
me too, me too. :-/
Unfortunately I know how you feel. I’m convinced that I met my soul mate. He too did not want the same thing that I wanted. I can’t believe that I’m going to admit this but four years later I still miss him too.
I’m sorry Hope – trust me I know it’s tough, but I think that people can have as many soul mates as they choose to have. Good luck!
that was beautiful.
Great post – reminds me of 50 first dates. Where there is something so hopeful and innocent on a first date – or an opportunity for a do over…