Comments on: Thinking

By: Angela

Angela — Thu, 07 Apr 2011 07:25:23 +0000

I’m so used to feeling unlovable and unwanted, that I think the former is the better one (although I know people who have thought that ten years of marriage was wasted, once it was over, so…).

By: Alexia

Alexia — Mon, 07 Sep 2009 17:34:41 +0000

Oops, I meant to use my uber cool nickname, ‘Bambi’. And sometimes I wonder why people thought I was a dork at school.

By: Alexia

Alexia — Mon, 07 Sep 2009 17:33:04 +0000

In theory, obviously it’s better to be loved and then dumped but we both know what I’m like in practice.

I tried to set up a thingy here today but all the domain names I wanted were taken so I refrained. I figure it better be perfect because it’s going to be around FOREVER… I guess it’s kind of like choosing a tattoo… or a husband.

By: amber

amber — Sun, 06 Sep 2009 11:47:33 +0000

Just because he wasn’t right for you (or you for him, as the case may be) doesn’t mean you’re not lovable.

I’ve been loved and then dumped, and I personally think it’s more painful to have everything laid out on the table and THEN be found wanting, than it is to be deemed not right for him to start with. If he doesn’t want to get really involved, that it’s usually something superficial that doesn’t work for him, right?

Whereas if he claims to love you and spends time learning everything about you…only to decide it won’t work way late in the game…that’s much, much worse.

By: france59

france59 — Fri, 04 Sep 2009 04:20:33 +0000

It appears I’m with the majority…loved, then dumped. Otherwise, you really aren’t living life. Granted, I’d prefer loved for eternity, but I don’t think most of us can get there before experiencing the tragic feelings of being dumped (or dumping someone). It makes that forever love just that much sweeter, because we’ve tasted the bitter version.

By: Jess

Jess — Thu, 03 Sep 2009 15:12:27 +0000

Loved then dumped, definitely. But if he can never love you then he just isn’t worth it. Even if it’s hard to feel that way right now.

By: IVORY'S INTELLECT

IVORY'S INTELLECT — Wed, 02 Sep 2009 19:57:58 +0000

I’d rather love and lose. Never loving anyone sucks. You sit wondering and dreaming, drowning in a fantasy that may never be. At least experience gives you a dose of reality.

By: Shea

Shea — Wed, 02 Sep 2009 02:46:15 +0000

I prefer neither. However, when I am the dump-er (vs. the dump-ee), I have a tendency to go with the “dump fast, dump early” before things get too emotionally involved.

It’s not warm and lovey, I grant you that. AND, it has led to numerous freak outs from various men. However, if they freak out at the EARLY stage, they would have REALLY freaked out later.

You are lovable, Hope. However, perhaps this (ding dong) guy knew his own (lame) limitations, and decided to blame his decision on you vs. take ownership himself.

And if so, he’s a total turkey.

By: c

Tue, 01 Sep 2009 18:48:51 +0000

loved then dumped. i’m heading for break up soon. it’s tough and it sucks but we did our best. it’s just not right anymore.

By: Lpeg

Lpeg — Tue, 01 Sep 2009 16:37:58 +0000

I like what Another Social Scientist said… I have to agree with her, because when I was too available and too vulnerable, the guys saw straight through that and it turned them off.