Thinking
31 Aug
Will I ever feel safe enough to reveal myself and my feelings to a man to a extent that he will fall in love with me and ONLY then choose to break up with me?
Somehow I think it would hurt less, you know, if I was dumped because of actual problems in a relationship rather than dumped because the man is unable to see himself falling in love with me.
Turning the old adage (“Better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all”) on its head for a minute answer me this:
Would you rather be loved and then dumped?
Or dumped because you can never be loved?
I would rather be loved then dumped…
It’s the only way I could know for sure that someday I could find a love that might last….
Definitely loved then dumped over dumped because you can’t be loved. I would hate to lose faith in the fact that someday I will find someone who can and will love my forever. Getting dumped either way is horrible, but feeling like I’m unlovable? That’s even more heartbreaking…
Loved and then dumped. Absolutely. It sucks and it’s painful and it’s hard. But it’s life. And without really, truly living…all of this just isn’t worth very much.
loved then dumped – at least i’d know we had a chance and that we tried :)
Loved then dumped. I know I am loved and am currently praying like mad that I won’t be dumped…
Loved then dumped. Unfortunately, I’m very familar with dumped because I can’t be loved.
The only way to live, the only way to love, is to take a chance, to show your true colors.
Loved then dumped. I put myself out there, and it didn’t work, but I least I won’t regret anything.
Obviously loved than dumped, but Hope I know where you’re going with this – you ARE NOT unlovable. This guy, this one guy, in a vast sea of millions, just isnt the one who sees you for the rare diamond that you are. You will find him.
I think it’s important to experience both because the idea and promise of love is often so much better than the reality. I like the ‘perfect’ loves that exist in my memory because they never had the chance to be spoilt by stress or disagreement. You might have been smitten Hope but perhaps if you’d had time to discover the real him you might have decided he wasn’t worthy of your love?
And before you feel too sorry for yourself maybe this was all about how you behaved and not who you are as a person? I’ve been dumped ‘before’ being loved when I’ve been too available and too vulnerable. When I’m feeling strong and confident it doesn’t happen. It’s rarely about my personality or likeability. It’s about games and my state of mind.
I would much rather be loved and then dumped. Very recently I had a relationship that fell apart and the worst thing about it is that the guy never loved me or atleast never told me he did.
Loved then dumped.
Definitely.
Loved, ravished frequently for a couple years, then dumped preferably.
I like what Another Social Scientist said… I have to agree with her, because when I was too available and too vulnerable, the guys saw straight through that and it turned them off.
loved then dumped. i’m heading for break up soon. it’s tough and it sucks but we did our best. it’s just not right anymore.
I prefer neither. However, when I am the dump-er (vs. the dump-ee), I have a tendency to go with the “dump fast, dump early” before things get too emotionally involved.
It’s not warm and lovey, I grant you that. AND, it has led to numerous freak outs from various men. However, if they freak out at the EARLY stage, they would have REALLY freaked out later.
You are lovable, Hope. However, perhaps this (ding dong) guy knew his own (lame) limitations, and decided to blame his decision on you vs. take ownership himself.
And if so, he’s a total turkey.
I’d rather love and lose. Never loving anyone sucks. You sit wondering and dreaming, drowning in a fantasy that may never be. At least experience gives you a dose of reality.
Loved then dumped, definitely. But if he can never love you then he just isn’t worth it. Even if it’s hard to feel that way right now.
It appears I’m with the majority…loved, then dumped. Otherwise, you really aren’t living life. Granted, I’d prefer loved for eternity, but I don’t think most of us can get there before experiencing the tragic feelings of being dumped (or dumping someone). It makes that forever love just that much sweeter, because we’ve tasted the bitter version.
Just because he wasn’t right for you (or you for him, as the case may be) doesn’t mean you’re not lovable.
I’ve been loved and then dumped, and I personally think it’s more painful to have everything laid out on the table and THEN be found wanting, than it is to be deemed not right for him to start with. If he doesn’t want to get really involved, that it’s usually something superficial that doesn’t work for him, right?
Whereas if he claims to love you and spends time learning everything about you…only to decide it won’t work way late in the game…that’s much, much worse.
In theory, obviously it’s better to be loved and then dumped but we both know what I’m like in practice.
I tried to set up a thingy here today but all the domain names I wanted were taken so I refrained. I figure it better be perfect because it’s going to be around FOREVER… I guess it’s kind of like choosing a tattoo… or a husband.
Oops, I meant to use my uber cool nickname, ‘Bambi’. And sometimes I wonder why people thought I was a dork at school.