I have seen this expression before.
I have seen it before and it all begins and ends in the eyes.
This look comes with glazed eyes. The kind of eyes that have lost hope. They are not sad. Sad eyes are full of expression. They are full of pain. Torment, even. These eyes are full of nothing. Resigned eyes. Eyes that have already made up their mind. Eyes that are waiting for the decision making part of the brain to catch up. The look also comes with firm lips shut.There is tension in the jaw. But, this tension along the jaw does not hide anger. Angry lips are taut but never silent. Angry lips and angry mouths they froth at the corners. They rage. Angry lips are tight but given the chance, they loosen. These lips, this mouth, it is resolute. You can see no teeth because the teeth are hidden inside. Just like all the things he will never tell you. Just like all the things he will never simply tell. They will sit in a silent, taut as tightrope mouth, and he will simply grind and gnaw and bite.
The voice, the words that come with this look may say, “I don’t know where we stand.” But the lips, those eyes, those teeth, they already know.
And because I have seen this look before, because I know this look, I know too.
The end is near.
{ 17 comments… read them below or add one }
Oh, this makes me so sad. I’m sorry.
I’ve been reading for a while now, and some of your writing really moves me. I’d been hoping this would turn out well for you, but this entry broke my heart. I’m sorry, Hope.
Good Lord, that was so fast! And the beginning was so amazing!
I’m so sorry honey…
xo
Goodness gracious… what happened? And why is he not speaking his mind? Ugh, I’m very sorry and I hope you are doing ok.
:( oh.
So sorry to hear about this Hope. Really! I was so happy for you and was keeping my fingers crossed for you… don’t know what to say..
BTW, I posted that fav post award on my blog today – I could give that award to every single one of your posts – you speak straight from the heart.
oh hope, im so sorry. is it worth talking to him about it? maybe it’s just something that needs to get out in the open… a misunderstanding or something small that can be remedied?
im thinking of you and hoping for the absolute best.
Oh no. What happened? It all started out so well :(
I’m so sorry! I was hoping it would work out but maybe… (pardon me if I sound nuts) better now than later?
i find myself often skipping over long blog entries, but not yours…yours i always read because they are so heartbreakingly truthful and simply real, always, in good times and bad. so it sounds weird to be saying thank you for your honesty about your pain at this time, but thank you for sharing your stories and please know that you are not alone. “that look” is one of the saddest in the world and i am so sorry that you had to see it again…someday, i can promise you that you won’t see it because after all…hope dies last.
take care, jill
I hate that feeling. The waiting. At least you know and it’s not going to come out of the blue. Love will happen for you and soon, I’m sure.
Oh no :(
what happened??? :-((
It ain’t over till the fat lady sings. If you really want this man, go after him. Don’t just let him walk away. I think in your own way, you are scared too.
Oh dear, I am covering my ears and singing la-la-la loudly at anyone who dares to say that this story is about the new man and not just Hope’s literary exercise.
:(
Oh Goodness. I know that look oh so well. It hurts reading such an accurate depiction. I feel like I am looking at The Look on my person just by reading your post. It is bittersweet…I feel your pain because I know that look all too well…yet I feel blessed to have read such an accurate account shared with the world. I would share something insightful and lovely and give my well wishes…but I am no so poetically inclined.