Almost two years ago, I ran into N and her sister on a street. N, her sister and I all went to high school together. That night we had a couple of drinks and when we parted we promised to keep in touch. To hang out more often. I never followed through. They didn’t either.
Last autumn I deleted almost 50 ‘friends’ on Facebook. My reasoning at the time was “If I haven’t communicated with you in the last year, then we’re obviously not friends.” One of those people happened to be N. My hand hovered over the delete button for a second and with no second thought deleted her.
A couple of weeks ago, I agreed to work part-time at my old job as a shop girl for the summer. This Saturday a man walked through the doors looking for a wedding present and found me. He smiled and when he did I was smitten. In a moment. By that smile. For the next 30 minutes we chatted like two old friends. We found that we both graduated from the same high school; years apart. We discovered that the present he was buying was for N’s sister. We discovered other mutual friends. When he left he took his smile with him. And when he did I felt a sharpness in my chest. Is it even possible to miss a smile?
The next day, lying next to a hotel pool thumbing through a magazine my ears caught the sound of a familiar accent. South Africans. I pretended to read but I casually began to eavesdrop on their conversation. A son and daughter dissected the happenings of a wedding for their mother. I heard N’s name and I heard her sister’s name and my heart beat a little bit faster. There I was and there they were. These people that were in the same room as that smile last night.
For a moment, I was jealous.
My mind raced backwards connecting hypothetical dots. What if I had made an effort to get together with N and her sister two years earlier? What if I had been invited to her wedding? What if the same man had walked through the shop door and what if instead of wishing him a pleasant evening I could have said, “See you there!” What if I had gone to that wedding?
Would I still be lying next to this pool, reading a magazine, eavesdropping on a conversation, wishing that that man with that smile would find me and knock me out all over again?
{ 10 comments… read them below or add one }
Ooooooh, there ARE NO COINCIDENCES. Get back in touch with N and her sister. There’s a reason they keep coming up so randomly like this. Go find out what it is! (And then come back and tell us.) :)
I started to write “wow it must be amazing to feel something like that…” but then I realized, I have felt that. Just not recently. But it’s been awesome and magical nonetheless.
Get back in touch – you’ve got nothing to lose and you may just rekindle your friendship. And meet the smile again!
You have a connection! Find the guy! I’m with everyone else on this one.
If that guy were destined to be met at the wedding you would have had been invited there! Instead you sold him a nice present. Is it just me hearing fate shouting: “Don’t even think of getting in touch with the bitch who didn’t invite you to the bloody wedding”?. Save it for the next fairytale, darling. They always get it on with the bridesmaids, never the salesmaids. IMO , you wanna nice time? Mute the bloody southafrican kids and add a cocktail next to that lovely pool chair!It’s nice as well and saves the emotional breakdowns of affairs and weddings…
Take it from me Hope, don’t bother with the what-ifs, it’s just not worth it… What’s done has been done, instead of worrying what could have been, worry about what could be…
Would’ve, could’ve, should’ve – the three most redundant words in the English language =)
Could that fork in the road have happened for a reason? You just haven’t met the reason yet!
“If” – it can be quite painful for such a small word.
you could try tracking down the smile what have you got to lose? Ww live in a modern world the worse thing that could happen is he turns you down. At least you would not spend the rest of your life thinking “if only” – Regret the things you don’t do not the things that didn’t work out.
holy hell, what a feeling.
love it. Find him!
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