Americanaki

I was thinking about the influence that America has had on my life the other day as I was filling out the NYT crossword puzzle. It astounds me that while I could probably name, at least, five U.S senators, that the average American could not name the Prime Minister of Greece. In fact, in my short time in the States, I found that a lot of the Americans I met could not accurately name the language that is spoken in Greece; it appeared that Grecian was a firm favourite. 

But this is definitely not a bashing of any sort at all. I mean, personally, it was only until I moved to Europe, away from the isolation of living in the southern most tip of  Africa, that I discovered–howdoIputthisbluntly–THE REST OF THE WORLD. Factor in the sheer land mass of the U.S, the size of its population and I can understand how little ol’ Greece could escape a few of their citizens. 

Regardless, Hollywood has spawned generations upon generations of non-Americans that know more about America than is probably necessary. And, to tell you the truth, we get confused. There are things in my brain that I know and sometimes it is hard to discern if they are actually things that apply to other countries. I form biases that are rooted in watching too many hours of How I Met Your Mother and Jon Stewart. There are things my brain tells me I want, but according to my own culture I will never get. Below is just ten of these ‘Americanisms’.

1. A citizens arrest

Can I do this in Greece? I have absolutely no idea. And I don’t really want to find out. I have a suspicion that if I ever tried, the crowd that would inevitably gather would begin to laugh and then call me an “Americanaki” [This is the diminutive form of American in Greek; sometimes it also has negative connotations]

2. 911

That is NOT the universal emergency telephone number. Seriously. Do not attempt to dial it because you are wasting valuable time. Yet, in most emergencies I have encountered I never fail to think to myself, “Someone has to call 911!”

3. Dating

People in Greece don’t really date per se. Sure, men and women meet and go out. But ask any Greek and they will tell you that there is no parallel word in Greek that means date or dating. In fact, some Greeks just use the English word. I use it in my blog often. Mostly because I ‘date’ non-Greeks. If I were to ever ‘date’ a Greek man? And I asked him if this was a date? He would probably laugh and call me an “Americanaki’.

4. Armageddon

I am thankful that I do not live in the U.S because with the exception of a few end of the world scenarios, it seems that the U.S would be the first place aliens would want to destroy. 

5. Canada

I feel like I should laugh every time Canada is mentioned. Yet, I have no earthly idea why. 

6. You may now kiss the bride

Despite never having actually been to a non-Greek Orthodox wedding, the wedding in my dreams? It involves a priest saying, “You may now kiss the bride.” Except, if I got married in Greece, this would not happen. And so I would probably want my money back. Unless, of course, I used that money to bribe the priest into saying it. If I wanted him to say it in English, I may need to pay double. And resort to being called ‘Americanaki’ one more time. 

7. Choreographed group singing and dancing

In moments of extreme happiness [for example, getting something done in ONE DAY in the public sector in Greece] , I feel that I have been had when the entire street does not break out into song and dance. 

8. Thanksgiving

Every year I want to celebrate this American holiday complete with pumpkin pie, turkey, gravy and cranberry sauce. And every year, I don’t because I remember that I am not American. Plus, logistically speaking, I have no idea what I would do or where I would put the cranberry sauce.

9. Chinese Takeout

 You know how in the movies people eat Chinese food from those cool boxes? The paper ones? With an origami folding type lid?  And with chopsticks? I WANT THAT. In fact, whenever my friends and I come across this type of presentation we will call each other excitedly, “Oh my god! I am having Chinese like they do in THE MOVIES.” This happens once in forever and then–FOR NO GOOD REASON– they are usually replaced with those aluminum lid, white squared NORMAL boxes.  And I die a little inside, throw my fists in the air and yell, “Damn you Hollywood. And the expectation you have put on takeout.”

10. Obama

Wait? What was that? He’s not my president too?