Last week, I spent some time smelling all of the perfumes I have worn throughout my life. I was fresh out and needed to invest in a new smell.
- Cacharel’s Eden reminded me that men lie.
- Christian Dior’s Dune that they die.
- Moschino’s Oh! reminded me of being thin and drinking lots of whiskey and coke. Unfortunately, it also reminded me of the worst kiss of my life.
- Armani’s Elle reminded me of Christmas and New Year and snow and carols and braids.
- Gucci’s Rush 2 reminded me of love; from a very special boy and from friends. I remembered learning how to teach. I remembered warmth and companionship. Fennel soup with dumplings.
- Chanel’s Mademoiselle reminded me of Kate Moss inside every glossy magazine, looking like an elegant playboy bunny. I think it was the pearls that did it. I remember wanting to be her. I wanted to exude that air of innocence and mystery and punkness. Unfortunately, during the time I wore it I was dumped, I moved countries and landed up in hospital with a painful surgery.
But when I sprayed it lightly on the inside of my wrist, there were no immediate negative feelings. Instead, for the remainder of the day as it followed me around, I could almost smell the freshness of early morning mixed in with the warmth of fuzzy feelings in the pit of my stomach.
As a result, tt is now sitting on my dresser.
Bringing in a little bit of my past into the steps towards my future has made me realize while memories and their consequences do not fade as easily as we would want them to, certain associations do melt away from our unconscious with the passing of time.
In the same way that I have allowed Chanel’s Mademoiselle back onto my dresser, I think I should start allowing the possibility of some semblance of a stable happiness back into my life.
And the first thing I have to do is admit to myself that the only real reason The Man Friend and I are not technically dating already is because I am petrified of getting hurt; terrified of being happy only for that happiness to be taken away.
Afraid to make any sort of commitment that is not guaranteed to last longer than one 50ml bottle of perfume.
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This is my perfume as well! Love it!!
I also understand the scared statement way to well. :-/
When I smell old perfumes I used to wear I am reminded of certain seasons of my life as well.
This is my favorite perfume too! I don’t wear it often b/c I work with children who have severe sensory issues and are sensitive to smell, but I think its lovely and it puts me in a good mood.
You are an incredible writer, by the way. I always love reading your blog.
Oh my, you’ve got a wonderful sense of smells… To me, most female perfumes just smell like cheap stuff :S But I do get those mental associations with all the other smells – the aftershave of an ex-bf, the smell of streets of Thes/niki in spring, freshly baked bread etc.
Your perfume choices make me think you’re an elegant woman. I’ve always loved the smell of Coco Chanel, and would LOVE to be able to pull it off. Sadly, it doesn’t mix with my body chemistry, and on me it smells awful and overpowering. Just another of life’s little injustices.
I wore Mademoiselle for a while. Isn’t it funny the way scents can bring back memories the same way a song or a moment can!
that’s a great post. i love perfume and it makes me think about all the fragrances i’ve worn before now!
ohohoh!you made me think of my first ever perfume love affair… White Musk by The Body Shop…oh yes!!!
Scents are so important. Surely they remind us of certain seasons in our life, my perfume is part of my identity using it for over 20 years….
I share your fear.
Regarding the perfumes, it’s usually other people’s perfumes that bring me memories. I still can’t smell Bulgari Notte without my pulse rising. Oh! and Cabotine de Gres reminds me of my mom.
It is always so disconcerting how a smell can take you back more than anything else does. Even though I couldn’t tell you what an ex sounded like, boy do I know when I have smelled his odor again.