My sister was sexually abused.
She told someone about the abuse, and made it stop.
She did what I couldn’t do.
She had the courage to be honest about the abuse, and all that I had was shame.
I didn’t want to be different or damaged. I didn’t want my world to be turned up-side-down. I wanted to pretend it never happened.
I didn’t want it to be real.
I didn’t support her, acknowledge her pain or help her though the healing process.
I wasn’t on her team, I wasn’t her best friend, I wasn’t honest and I wasn’t brave.
This is my secret.
This is the remorse, the regret and the guilt I carry with me.
Sister, I am so, so sorry.
This is my secret.
***
To my fellow blog-secreter. I hope that by sharing this you feel that now we all share part of your remorse, your regret and your guilt. I hope that makes you a little bit lighter.
You can read other blog secrets here.
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i think she would forgive you if you told her. that might help you forgive yourself…
I hope you are able to forgive yourself. I’m sure it shook you to your core. We can’t really hate ourselves for how we react in emotionally scarring situations.
I hope that being able to share this here is the first step to helping yourself relieve some of the guilt and sorrow you carry.
Tell her, you may be surpised with the results.
You two can heal together.
This, more than any other secret brought tears to my eyes. It’s always complicated isn’t it – the relationship we have with our sisters. In so many ways we are witness to each others lives, and so often our sisters seem to hold the mirror by which we judge our own reflection. I’m so sorry for what you went through. I hope that you can remember that you (i’m guessing) were a child yourself and also that none of what she went through was your fault. I’m so sorry.
So many secrets running around! Now I need a secret comment for this secret post.
I just wanted to let you know that my sister has a very similar secret to yours. And I still love her more than anything else in the world.
Forgive yourself. It’s okay.
If it were that easy to come forward… Therapists wouldn’t make so much money.
What your sister did took great courage… but just because you couldn’t doesn’t mean you’re a bad person.
Forgive yourself first. Because everyone has different reactions to different things. I hope just writing about it brought some relief.
Forgive yourself—be her best friend now. Don’t waste another day feeling guilty—it accomplishes nothing. Accomplish a great and wonderful relationship with your sister today. Don’t waste one more day—don’t give your molester that power anymore.
This is a tough secret to bear. I hope that by sharing you find some peace with yourself. The best you can do is be there for your sister now and in the future.
Sounds like forgiveness of yourself is a necessary step in this healing process. And maybe sometime thereafter, you will find it easier to share that with your sister.
Thanks for trusting your secret with the blogging world. Revealing our secrets can be one of the best ways to come to terms with who we are and where we’ve been. Good work.
I hope that writing this began the process of forgiving yourself, and then letting your sister know that you were there for her the whole time.
Thank you for sharing… this brought tears to my eyes.
I agree with the people who say you ought to talk to your sister about it. Even just knowing that about you might help both of you move forwards.
Your secret reminds me a lot of this one (http://peasnluv.blogspot.com/2008/11/day-18.html), so you’re definitely not the only one who feels this way and feels guilty about it.
I’ll say what others have said:
Forgive yourself. It’s OK.
More important than her forgiving you is YOU forgiving you. I hope you’re able to do this.
You were young, too, and damaged in a different way. Please don’t be too hard on yourself. Just show her you love her now.
I hope that being able to write about it, to express it in words, is the first step to self-forgiveness. I’m sure she knows you love her, for who she is, no matter what.
Thanks for sharing.
I hope being able to share your secret helped. Forgive yourself first, then talk to your sister.