Sexual selection
16 Sep
“Your brother told me that you were in hospital and all about your health troubles. I’m so sorry.”
“Aw, thank you. Yea, I have The Crohn’s.”
“If I remember correctly, weren’t you in hospital four years ago too though?”
“Yes! It’s the freaking Olympics. Every four years in August as if on cue. But that time I had an ovarian cyst.”
“I get cysts too. But they just leave. Why were you in hospital?”
“Oh I had to have it removed because it kept getting bigger and bigger. My doctor wanted to see what it was.”
“He didn’t put you on The Pill? The Pill usually helps.”
“Oh I can’t take The Pill.”
“Why not?”
“I have Raynard’s Disease. It’s a problem with my blood circulation so it is very dangerous to take the pill. I had the surgery to remove the cyst. And it turned out that it wasn’t just a benign cyst. And I have Endometriosis.”
“Oh my god.”
“Yea.”
***
At T’s house on Sunday we clutched our stomachs from laughter as I recited that conversation.Tears streaming down my face from a certain type of black humour that keeps me from falling apart, I said,
“I mean when do I tell a guy I am seeing all of this? Isn’t it ridiculous? It’s like “Hi, I live with depression and panic attacks so you know I won’t be able to do a lot of things that you might enjoy doing. I might not be able to get out bed for a couple of weeks either. Also, there’s a 40% chance that I won’t be able to have children. I can’t drink with you or share popcorn at the movies and oh! I might, you know, die from cancer of the intestine. But despite all of that I swear I’m a catch. MARRY ME!”
***
l laughed. And I am still laughing as I write this. I laugh because when I stop to take a breath and seriously consider my physical and psychological health I always reach the same conclusion.
“I’m damaged. Who would want to have to deal with all of this?”
Then I start laughing again because I make the best damn tsatsiki this side of the Aegean. I actually enjoy watching football and I love, love, love games. I have a great smile and I’m kind of cute.
But really I think my best selling point is that I have a selection of magazines in my bathroom. I encourage spending as much time as you need on the toilet.
Thus, I believe that a good man should really overlook all my defects for that fact alone. Don’t you?
I think so.
I think so too. However, it can work, in only 4 months the new man has picked me up from 4 nasty proceedures with sedation and anesthetic and sends me daily emails enquiring about the state of my stomach. Like its someone else we can forget about.
So sweet, but then again, maybe its enough to make you even more sick!
Agreed
Hey you are a catch and then some so any guy would be LUCKY to be with you!
I think so too and I just wanted to say this is a wonderful post.
You are so adorable. I love this. When the right person comes along, they will be able to see the true you.
I think everyone has their things that they are afraid to share with someone else, but you will meet someone wonderful who has their own quirks and issues and will love you just the way you are.
You are a catch and the right guy will see that! :)
yes! everyone has defects. that is what makes us human.
I agree with Little Miss Obsessive. Love will find you when you least expect it!
Holy crap, Hope! That’s a lot of crap to have to deal with. I really admire your humor!
And yes, you are QUITE a catch! :)
Oh most definitely…providing the magazines are regularly updated of course ;)
Wow that is A LOT to have to deal with. But you’re still a catch. :) I love reading your blog; I just don’t comment very often.
Psshhh… perfection is overrated, anyhow. It’s the quirks that really make a person.
OMG I *love* tsatsiki!! That’s it.. I am totally coming to visit…
LOL. Reading material in the loo is always a must. ALWAYS.
And you are a catch!
of course you are a catch! you sound exactly like me and i found a catch…i wish you all the best of luck!
Oh, you will find one :) I have panic attacks and agoraphobia, I cannot do so many things!! Yet, after many men ran away from me, one finally came and accepted me just the way I am.
If you can’t have children, you can always adopt one.
Many of us will die from some kind of cancer, so….there is a lot of people just like you everywhere! and you will find the right one for you, I promise ;)