Hour 1-4:
In my alcohol induced haze, I am certain he is going to call. Liquid confidence convinces me that he is even going to text when his shift ends in three hours.
Hour 5-9:
8 a.m. Have not slept all night although he must be. Confident he will text when he wakes up. Jump out of bed easily. Butterflies. Lots and lots of butterflies.
Hour 10-14:
At work. No time to think. Plus, he’s probably still sleeping.
Hour 15-19:
Check messages. Nothing. Switch off mobile phone. Throw into the darkest crevices of my bag.
Hour 20-24:
Switch mobile phone back on. No messages. Run on treadmill. Take shower. Watch movie. Go to bed early. Tense.
Hour 25-29
Dream that we are sleeping together. Spooning. Safe. He brushes my hair away from my ear and whispers, “I’m just not that into you. I’m not going to call you”.
Hour 30-34
Wake up. Frightful mood. Drag body to work. Consider leaving mobile phone at home. Do not. Am weak, pathetic, single woman. Despair at myself.
Hour 35-39
Sulk. Piss everyone off. Fire email to Best Friend. “He hasn’t called or texted yet!!” Reply. “He’s not going to. Men are practical. They’ll only call to make plans with you. Don’t forget he is also working long hours due to the holidays and his friend is visiting. I think he’ll only call after New Year’s. And don’t be down just yet. I’ll let you know when you can get upset.”
Hour 40-44
Semi-satisfied with Best Friend’s response, I calm down a little.
Hour 45-49
Christmas Eve. Am distracted by nephew’s adorableness, family, presents and good food. Forget mobile phone at home. Am hopeful that there will be something waiting for me later.
Hour 50-54
At home. No messages. Go to bed. Toss and turn.
Hour 55-59
Toss and turn. Around 6 a.m a terrifying thought rises inside me “He’s not going to call. Ever.”
Hour 60-64
Christmas Day. Am distracted by nephew’s adorableness, family, friends, mouth watering food and wine. Perhaps, he’ll text to wish me. Probably not. Maybe he will.
Hour 65-69
Beep beep. Not him.
Beep beep. Not him.
Beep beep. Not fucking him.
Go home. Put Avril Lavigne on. This is not a good sign. Begin to sing along–angrily. Very. Bad. Sign. Am single, 26 year old, pathetic woman singing to adolescent pop music. Am disgrace to all women everywhere.
Hour 70 plus
My self-imposed three day limit of waiting passes unceremoniously. My mobile; deafeningly silent. Find Untouchable Face by Ani DiFranco. Put on repeat. Get ready to spend the entire day doing something. Anything. Take a full hour to get dressed and do make-up. Bra and panties matching. Apply lip gloss. Smile.
It almost reaches my eyes.
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Must say that will all that the fact that you have the spirit and energy and made the effor to match your bra and panties and put make up…..amazes me! I admire you for doing that cause when i’m that low, i go out with no bra, and just barely out of my pj’s.
Good for you for still taking care of yourself!!!
first of all – GO YOU for taking a risk. if you hadn’t you would always wonder.
second – that ani song is amazing and PERFECT for your situation. i suggest putting it on repeat. also i recommend joshua radin.
third – matching bra and panties is always the way to go because you just NEVER KNOW.
xoxo
oof, there is nothing worse than waiting around for a phone call! i agree with michelle- at least you took the chance, and you never know- he was probably busy around the holidays and he DOES seem interested. so give it some time.
in the meantime, matching, sexy, sassy underthings always do good things to the ego.
xo
Awww, screw him if he doesn’t call you! At least you took a shot. I’d rather take a shot and know the answer than never take a shot and always wonder.
P.S. Avril is totally what I listen to when I’m pissed. Especially the song “Together.” Ok, now I’m embarrassed!
I find that the minute you stop waiting for the phone call? It comes. And even if it doesn’t? There’s plenty more out there :)
Aww… maybe he is busy. But good for you for getting out and doing something and not waiting anymore! Atleast you put yourself out there, and I am at the point where I figure you might as well, or you’d never know.
Goodluck, and I hope he calls!!
i loved the last sentence.
Eh, he’s a boy. And boys suck, and this is boys suck, throw rocks at them month, and he probably won’t call until it’s over. At least you’ll know now, if he never calls or makes a move, then you’ll know at least that you tried. You didn’t sit around and wait for it to pass by. Be very proud of this face, Hope.
I agree with La, it always happens when you stop thinking about it.
I really admire you for giving him your number. Even if he doesn’t call back (and if he doesn’t that’s because he is an idiot) you should be proud of how you put yourself out there!
You know what? You get a super duper sparkly gold star for giving out your phone number, but you get a like platinum star or something for putting on the brave face when you still haven’t heard from him. Like the comments above, I think you have tons to be proud of – for putting yourself out there, for enjoying the holiday with your family despite the wondering, and most especially for taking care of yourself when it seems like your courage might not have worked out.
You just never know – meeting someone could happen anytime, anywhere, and if your mind is closed off to it because of some twit who flirts with you but doesn’t have the balls (pardon me) to do anything about it – then THAT would be tragic, not the fact that the Man didn’t call you.
You hang in there, keep glossing those lips and smiling – good things will come to you.
First, LOVE that Ani song. Excellent to sing along to…
Second, sorry he hasn’t called – yet. I know how much it sucks to wish, wait, wonder and will the phone to ring. For your sake, I hope it does. And it’s usually when you’re on the other line with another guy. :-)
i know without a doubt i would have done [and would still be doing] exactly what you did. i would’ve had some friend convince me to hand over my number and then i’d be cursing myself all the way to my cozy bed. and there i’d stay. and i’d dwell on it forever. so know you’re not alone. but we have to just remind ourselves that sometimes.. boys are just stupid. and sometimes.. it’s better to take that leap than do nothing at all. and honestly, if he doesn’t call.. you deserve way better.
ps. is it snowing there!!?? :)
“ps. is it snowing there!!?? :)”
Nope. I’d wish… :(
that last part… about your smile, almost reaching your eyes and the fact you spent so much time getting ready… suspicious…
mmm… did he call??
“Am single, 26 year old, pathetic woman singing to adolescent pop music. Am disgrace to all women everywhere.”
Am single, 28 yrs old, pathetic guy singing to hip/hop adolescent music. Am disgrace to all men everywhere.
Relax. You’re not alone!
Oh yea, the matching bra & panties? Um, if it comes to that, trust me the last thing he’ll notice is the patten on your bra ;-)
Smile.
It almost reaches my eyes.
So, well put.
On an unrelated, and unimportant, note, I have a strange fixation with matching underwear.
I love that song by Ani. Way too cathartic.
Boo for boys and yay for strong gutsy girls like you.
And for snowing blogs- love it!!
so what – he didn’t call. You needed to try or you would have always wondered! Go you for being so strong!!!
NO, not a disgrace….that is what every sensible woman would do. Hopefully you sang as loud as you possibly could, and hopefully loud enough to let neighboors know the agnoy some men can put us in. lol. :) F ‘EM. You’re great.
I love your writing. You have a beautiful soul.
However, from a male perspective: how long did you know him? Did he say he would call you? What made you believe he would call you? Was it simply that he was nice to you and you got along well?
Again, from the male perspective, if he called you the next day, and then the day after that, would he fall into the category of “clingy” and “dependent”?
Is it possible he went away for the holidays? Is it possible he is with his family? Is it possible he lost your phone number?
Finally, is it possible that things must be made painful so that you can write so beautifully?
I hate that feeling. A few years ago, I gave the boy I liked my phone number and thinks went in the direction I hope it doesn’t go yours (he texted me saying no thanks and avoided me from that point on). But I’ll never regret telling him, because if I hadn’t I probably would have mooned over him for the rest of the year.
Good luck! And he’ll call, don’t worry. He seems incredible.