It was all going so well.
Ten minutes into the match I had snagged a seat right at the bar, next to Brother In Law’s cousin, and had just started a conversation with The Man. I felt…’spark-ly’… for want of a better word. The two Swedish guys standing at the top of the staircase? They were checking me out. The dark-haired stranger on the other side of the bar? He had one eye on Liverpool and the other one on me. All this uncharacteristic attention filled me with a completely uncharacteristic surge of confidence.
I used this confidence to speak to The Man. And he spoke back. And we bantered. (Me: [staring at my beer] I’m going to get drunk. Him: [smiling] Off one beer? You’re a lightweight. Me: And a cheap date. Him: That’s good.) Then, he moved to the far side of the bar to put down a glass he was holding, but I knew the conversation hadn’t ended, I could just feel it.
Before The Man had the chance to take the three strides back to me, an acquaintance of Brother In Law sat down. Not even two sentences in and it dawned on me that The Acquaintance had chosen that moment–the exact moment that The Man and I were getting into our moment–to hit on me.
And boy did he hit on me. In that incessant, won’t take no for an answer, staring at my chest kind of way. Five minutes into our conversation and he had already asked me to go to dinner and I had already said no. Three times. Yet, he kept at it. For almost an hour. At first, I was polite but firm. Then, exasperated I began to give him made-up answers to all his annoying questions (Him: And? So? What do you like doing for fun? Me: Basket weaving.) After a certain point, I was just honest. (Him: Why won’t you go out with me? Me: Because you’ve hit on all my friends. Plus, I don’t want to. Please stop hitting on me now.)
All of this within spitting distance of The Man.
Half-way through this conversation that was now bordering on harassment, The Man walked past me and without thinking I grabbed and squeezed his arm. My mouth said, “Can you get me some water?” but my eyes implored him to do something. And he did.
He got up me a glass of lukewarm tap water.
Ten minutes later, I did not know if I would ever get The Acquaintance to stop talking to me and I had run out of ways to say “No, I will not go out with you.” The Man glanced at me from across the bar, smiled sympathetically and winked. That wink forced me to stand up and go to the bathroom in the hope that The Acquaintance would get bored and just watch the bloody game already.
I had my own game to play.
But, upon my return, nothing changed. He kept going at it. I turned my back to him. Brother In Law, his cousin and all his friends, told him to leave me alone. He wouldn’t budge. Frustrated, I took my mobile and walked outside pretending I had to make a phone call. I stood in the freezing cold for a couple of minutes until I heard his voice:
“Hey, you take it easy!” The Man said. His hooded sweater on, his legs moving away from me. Quickly.
“Hey, you’re supposed to help me!” I joked.
He replied, “I know, I saw you looking at me. Then threw his hands up in defeat and said, “But, you brought it upon yourself.” Smiled curtly, spun around and raced off.
I stared at his back for a full 20 seconds; his last sentence frozen midair between the white cloud of breath he left in his wake and my gut. I stared at his back until his figure disappeared around the corner. Then, and only then, did I blink.
What the hell just happened?
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Don’t you think that all this effort and agony and frustration you go through in the last couple of weeks is a bit too much considering that in 3-4 weeks he’ll be out of your life? I mean, there are only 2 possible outcomes here. One, the negative outcome, nothing happens between you two. You’ll end up feeling lonely, heartbroken etc. Two, the positive outcome, suppose something does happen, suppose that he is a great guy to be with, suppose that you have a wonderful time with him… he’ll still leave on February. And no matter how many good memories you’ll have the chance to collect during the time you’ll be together, in the end you’ll be alone again and maybe heartbroken because once again you lost something good due to conditions that were out of your hand.
But then again maybe I’m wrong, I don’t know. I’ll admit that I’m under a very cynical/”love sucks” mood in the last couple of days because the girl I care for completely forgot my birthday *sigh*.
Geesh. The Man doesn’t seem too…. quick, to pick up on hints. Although, I tend to think that what he meant by the “brought it on yourself” comment, was that he thought you were looking good, pretty, and was probably trying to get that accross without actually saying it. Which, is kind of silly, but also kind of cute, no?
Hmm.
God that’s a tough one? Maybe he was a bit jealous?
you brought it upon yourself? yeah telling the guy you were into basketweaving and no you didn’t want to go out with him was really egging him on Hope… geez i wonder what that was all about?
Huh. I think he might just have been intimidated because sounds like you were the hottest girl there. It sounds like he doesn’t know what to do with himself when you’re around and talking to another boy. Then again that’s just my opinon :). I’m hoping for the best.
I’m sorry girl, but I’m going to have to echo Chris’s advice. I think this is all just a little too difficult. Getting the guy to go out with you, or merely pay attention to you isn’t supposed to be this difficult. The most difficult part is supposed to be to get him to stay around.
Girl, I say just cut your losses, or at least don’t get any more emotionally involved. Only because I don’t want to see you hurt.
hmm… he’s probably just unable to articulate himself, flirt properly, or pick up signals. Sounds like a typical guy to me.
I know that even when you know either path might end in heartbreak, you still feel like you have to do it, so I won’t discourage you from pursing what you feel you need to do. But maybe those Swedes at the top of the staircase might be a better option, in February.
oh i think i’d be pissed. no matter what everyone else is saying.. i’d still be doing the same exact thing you’re doing. and no, it’s not not worth doing because of the fact that he’s leaving. hey, like you said, you’ve got a game to play too. but that whole last comment thing? it’d send me spinning too. i had a guy from across the bar buy be a drink the other night and the 2 guys i was at the bar with got all riled up because, “how did that guy know i wasn’t ‘with’ them? what had I done??” you didn’t bring any of that on yourself.
I think he must have been a little jealous, but instead of just saying something cute about it, he came back at you with a quizzical, smart-ass remark. Boo on that! You totally did NOT bring that on yourself. Ugh, boys. They are so confusing.
He needs a refresher course on how to help a damsel in distress – I thnk his comment meant that you were looking so hot you brought it on yourself – I would take it that way anyway….even if you had nothing to do with bringing it on!
thank you princess extraoridinaire!!
that is exactly what i think. he is indirectly blaming you for looking so good. he in a funny cute way showed his jealousy towards what took place with you and the other guy by throwing the comment which could and did make you feel as though it was you who was to blame.
its not a bad thing, he just needs to understand that you arent that good at understanding these things. but then again you have all of us here to help you with the puzzle of his words and their meaning.
you lucky lucky girl!
What the…?
Um, clearly The Man has issues–communication, confidence, or otherwise.
Sounds like he probably was jealous… but of *what*? Sounds like it was pretty obvious that you had NO interest in The Acquaintance… would The Man rather you were rejecting *him* all night instead?
That’s it. December is hereby officially known as Boys Are Dumb, Throw Rocks Month.
I am in total disagreement with Chris.
It is worth it for even five minutes of the positive outcome.
To me the “you brought it upon yourself” business could have been him saying it is your fault for looking so cute. Though it is weird not to stay around after saying that…
I can’t believe Liverpool lost that game. Curses!
What is with The Man?! He needs to stop being so wishy-washy and be more assertive. And be less puzzling.
If I were you, I’d take it to mean that he thought you looked fantastic and therefore men were, of course, drawn to you. I look forward to reading your stories everyday, Hope. You could write a book!
Ummm… what the hell was that?
Remember when you watched him flirt with that other girl? It sounds like he can’t take what he dishes out…
I get where everyone else is coming from, but I honestly think he was only saying that to awkwardly compliment you while at the same time appearing level-headed. Think of it from his point of view. I mean, if you were sitting nearby and you heard some girl hit on him over and over and he was trying to send you “save me” signs, you might try to be like “Oh, it’s your fault for being so gosh darn attractive!”
That’s what I think.