On Saturday, Brother in Law was at The Bar.
One beer thing led to another and he initiated a conversation with The Man. The exact details of this conversation keep changing everyday. Therefore, what you read below is only a tentative picture of that exchange. The exact details are fuzzy (men are not exactly known for their observational skills) and asterisks indicate parts of the conversation that stayed exactly the same each time I probed Brother In Law with “And then? What did he say?”
Here it is in all its glory.
Brother In Law: You still single?*
The Man: Yea, mate.*
Brother In Law: You still moving to Australia?*
The Man: Yea, mate.*
Brother In Law: So, you’re after something with no strings attached?
The Man: [B.I.L does not recall what his answer was]
Brother In Law: You know my sister in law?*
The Man: Yea, mate.*
Brother In Law: That’s all I’m saying. You know where to find her.*
The first time I heard their exchange I laughed out loud. The next time I heard it I didn’t laugh so hard. By the 50th time I had played out the conversation in my head, I was mortified. So mortified in fact that I told Brother In Law as much. In point form.
Me: First of all, before you tell someone that someone else is interested in them–even implicitly–you find out if they’re interested. If they’re not YOU DON’T TELL THEM.
Brother In Law: Relax.
Me: Second of all, no strings attached? No strings attached?
Brother In Law: He’s leaving isn’t he?
Me: Thirdly, I still don’t know what he thinks of me.
Brother In Law: I’m not-
Me: [Clearly on a roll.] Fourthly, men like the chase. You made it sound like if he feels like having sex, he just has to come on by and I’ll put out! Where’s the fun in that? What’s his motivation?
Brother In Law: I’m never-
Me: Furthermore, no strings attached? No strings attached? What does that even mean?
Brother In Law: I’m never getting involved again. Women are crazy.
Three hours later, The Man and I were heading towards each other. And I? Fueled by a mixture of a terrible hair day, paranoia and the words ‘no strings attached’ ringing in my ear, crossed the street to avoid him.
See, I had to cross the street because I had not formulated a plan of action yet. Do I pretend like I don’t know he knows? How can I even look at him if he knows what he knows and I still don’t know whether he likes that information or not? Am I blowing this way out of proportion? Does the fact that he hasn’t come by The Store mean he really is not interested? Or does it mean he is shy? Or does it mean that the point that Brother In Law was trying to make flew completely over his head?
I could have walked into him to find out. But, if there’s one thing you should know about me? It’s that my love life is a joke and I am a chicken.
And in the joke? The chicken always crosses the street.
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Wow, I bug you for a post and there it is! It’s like magic! (Sorry for the double-comment on the last one.. my browser had a heart attack).
Question: Was The Man working when this conversation took place? Or hanging out? This is of crucial importance, being that if he was as drunk as BIL, he may not even *remember* the coversation (BIL clearly has some issues in that department), let alone take issue with it…
Also, don’t overstress about this. Even if he does remember the conversation AND picked up on BIL’s cue (honestly, men can be frighteningly thick about these things), I think the girl in this type of situation finds it far more awkward than the guy does. Take the B Saga for example. I got drunk and blurted out (several times) that I “really really liked him” –immediately after learning that he had a girlfriend… yet things ended up being fine.
And don’t discount the possibility that he’s interested in you too!
Next time, keep to your side of the street and find out :)
Froggy, The Man WAS working when this conversation was taking place. We can’t discount the fact that he had been drinking but I doubt he was drunk. Or drunk enough not to remember the conversation.
And yes, the B Saga gives me hope that everything will be fine. I’m trying not to be too much in my own head about it and relax a little. If he’s interested in me? I’ll bake you all my yummy peanut butter cookies! ;)
oh that’s a toughie. your BIL let the cat out of the bag. give him time to make his move. if he wants to he will, in my opinion.
and there are ALWAYS strings. always.
I know! Strings are all over the place. Try convincing a man of that..
Oh, I wouldn’t be too worried! Besides, at least Brother-in-Law got it out in the open. Worst thing that happens is he’s not interested… then you move on. Although I totally understand you feeling mortified at what Brother-in-Law said. Boys are clueless.
I agree with Michelle and Miriam – at least BIL got it out there! Now the ball is in his court (hopefully he picked up on the clues because I concur, men are not the brightest when it comes to hints).
Deny, deny, deny. If you don’t acknowledge it happened, then you have no reason to feel awkward. That said, you can still be extra witty and flirty and cute from now on. The seed has been planted…
Oh my gosh. I would have done exactly the same thing you did… I agree with the nonchalant waiting – even if the nonchalance is forced. Maybe give it a week, week and a half? Eeek.
I know it’s a spec… embarassing, I get that. But I agree, at least it’s out there now. At least your BIL made it known that you’re at least… single, and perhaps interested. It’s not like you said you wanted the “no strings attached” thing, so The Man can find that out for himself if he wants.
Now this scarf scenario- was that before or after your BIL talked to The Man?
I think it was actually a good thing that brother-in-law got it out there :) good luck!
It’s time for him to make his move after BIL got it out there – try and just sit back and see what happens next…
I don’t think “the chase” is as big a deal for dudes as women seem to believe it is.
And when we hear “no strings attached,” any thoughts of a relationship go right out the door. Other thoughts come in.
It never happened. Deny. Because BIL was cuckoo that day and you take no responsibility for whatever it was he said. ;) BUT it’s great that he now knows you’re available. The bad thing though is if he’s really shy, nothing will ever come of this. So stop crossing the road!
That may have come off tougher than I intended it too. Hee. I said it lovingly. So yes, stop crossing the street please.
xoxo
i too would be mortified…but in a way relieved BIL said SOMETHING…because now? ball is in his court. and you can really find out “if he is/isn’t just that into you”. it’ll be like closure…in some sort of twisted way (?)
but yah. once again…totally identify. pretty sure we’re living the same love live…an ocean apart :)
Seriously, if I were you, I’d make him hunt me down. And if he doesn’t? No sweat off my back.
Agreed with Lib… ball is in his court.
Be friendly, approachable… but play a little dumb, as BIL could be written off as drunk, right?
Still… I would be ticked.
Especially about the nsa!!
Agree with everyone – it’s out there and now it’s his turn to make a move.
Also, I wouldn’t worry about it TOO much, especially if BIL was drinking and details are a bit fuzzy. Guys have bad memories.
oh my god! your brother in law just totally pimped you out!
OK, tell me if this reminds of the friends episode where rachel tells chandler to set her up with a date because she can’t get one cause she is pregnant but does not want anything serious…
and chandler tells the guy that, so then it makes rachel look like a slut after she sleeps with him…
Basically what i’m trying to say is that your brother in law said to the man so you’re not looking for anything with strings attached? And then he said you know my sister in law….
ummm…. that is so funny!
Lesson to learn: Don’t tell your brother in law if you like a guy. Men are as subtle as a brick over the head.
ahh.. i’d kill my brother if he did that! but he is a guy.. guys don’t think the way we think about finding out if someone likes you first.
i love the way you wrote that story though!
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I can’t even imagine what I would do to my personal BIL if he said something like that. Probably yell. Again again, that’s the leftover teenage hormones in me.
I hope it all worked out for the better!